War is Not Why I Carried You

Nicole Doyley

War is not why I carried you

in my womb

in my arms

in my heart when you left for school.

War is not why I comforted you

when you couldn’t sleep

when you fell from your bike

when your heart broke with unrequited love.

War is not why I prayed for you

that you’d emerge into the world unscathed

that you’d find a friend worthy of you

that you’d marry a woman whose love came close to mine. 

War is not why I kissed you

on your newborn head

on your little boy cheek

on your nearly grown face.

I didn’t carry you to one day welcome you home with

a shattered mind

a shattered limb

a shattered life.

I didn’t carry you to receive a triangle flag and gun salute.

I didn’t carry you to hear sad stories of your courage. 

I didn’t carry you to receive a letter, a phone call, 

a “Sorry for your loss, ma’am.”

I didn’t carry you to one day hear, 

“Well, we really didn’t need that war anyway.”

What would happen if the mothers of the world all said,

“War is not why I carried you?”

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Nicole Doyley is an author, speaker, and podcast host passionate about fostering honest, healing conversations on race. A Dartmouth graduate with a B.A. in English, she spent nearly 25 years in church ministry and now serves as Advocacy Director at Kinsman Quarterly. Nicole has authored three books, contributed to outlets like HuffPost and The Witness, and is a sought-after voice at schools, churches, and organizations. As a biracial woman, wife, and mother of two sons, she brings personal insight in her latest book, What About the Children?, offers guidance for multiracial families.